


For the Love We Once Had

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [16]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Memories, Missions Gone Wrong, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Reunions, Sacrifice, Team as Family, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 04:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: 'At the time, he hadn’t understood the significance of those first petals, what they represented and what they would come to mean for his future. Instead he had dismissed them, pushing them from his mind, too consumed by the fact that Gabriel was alive and the words that just wouldn’t leave him alone. You are nothing. 'Finding out Gabriel was alive. Changed, certainly but alive, brought up memories and feelings that Soldier76 had thought were buried for good. The petals tell him that might be more of a curse than a blessing.





	For the Love We Once Had

“Die.”

   The quiet whisper in his ear had Jack lunging to the side, just in time to hear the sharp retort of the shotgun filling the space where he had been and he whirled, pulse rifle up and aiming before the raspy voice registered and he found himself frozen as he stared into the distinctive, owl-like mask. It wasn’t the first time he’d encountered Reaper,. The mercenary leaving him with more than one scar over the past few months and he bit back a curse, making a note to try and get hold of better intelligence next time because Talon wasn’t supposed to be involved with this weapons ring and yet here he was facing off against their prized weapon.

  However, it wasn’t Reaper’s presence that had him faltering, finger resting on the trigger of his weapon, but the voice that still seemed to linger in his ear. It was the first time he had heard it without gunfire or shouts distorting it, and his heart was hammering in his chest as he realised that he knew precisely who lay under that mask. The voice was nothing like the one he remembered, the one that had left him weak-kneed and twisted around Gabriel’s little finger on more than one occasion, but there had been something in that raspy whisper. Maybe an echo of the bitterness that seemed to have underlain most of their interactions at the end, or the commanding tone that had left Jack wanting to snap to attention. Either way he knew and everything that he had desperately tried to bury in the aftermath of Zurich came rushing back in a sickening wave, because this was Gabriel. _Gabe._ The one and only person that Jack had ever loved, the one and the only person that he would ever love and he wanted to curse and weep at the same time, his finger relaxing on the trigger. _I thought I lost you_ …

_“…and Blackwatch Commander Gabriel Reyes are among those listed amongst the dead at Zurich. The late Commanders were well known for their actions during the Omnic Crisis, but have recently become mired in controversy over covert missions and actions that…”_

   Jack had shattered there, not caring that he was in public or that the nurse was still in the room. A wail of anguish rising in his throat, grating against injured vocal cords, but not even the pain could stop him because Gabe was gone. _Gabe…_ who had been right there in his office, who had paused in his heated words a moment before the world had erupted around them and looked at him with a gaze that had reminded him of happier times.

“Gabe.” It crept out before he could stop it, the memory too close to the surface for him to control his tongue and if he’d had any lingering doubts they vanished with the way the mercenary tensed at his voice, twin shotguns coming to bear on him and Jack struggled not to flinch away. He had seen what those weapons could do. Knew what Reaper was capable of - what Gabriel was capable of doing, but he held his ground, lowering his rifle as he rose to his feet. “Gabriel Reyes?” It wasn’t a question. He knew that it was a Gabriel, with a certainty that he hadn’t felt about anything for a long time and he hesitated for a moment. “Gabe…” _Please…_

“Gabriel Reyes is dead.”

“No, he isn’t,” Jack retorted, his heart aching at the blunt words and the empty way in which they were spoken. He made to take a step forward, only to find shadows coalescing in front of him and before he could react there were clawed fingers closing around his neck and he found himself being borne backwards by the other’s weight.

_“Is that all you’ve got Jack?” Gabriel was taunting him, lips pulled back in a grin as he loomed over Jack, uncaring of their compromising position and visibly revelling in the fact that it took Jack a moment to compose himself enough to answer._

_“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing,” he retorted, hooking a leg over Gabriel’s and flipping them, grunting as his partner’s elbow caught him in the gut but shaking it off as he struggled to keep the other man pinned._

“How do you know that name?” It took him a moment to realise that he was being questioned, the impact with the ground and Reaper’s weight on top of him winding him and dragging up old memories, and he coughed, feeling old aches and pains coming to life. However, he shoved the pain aside and focused on the mask hovering above him, eyes slowly tracing the eerie features and noticing the spider’s web of cracks beneath one eye, feeling the claws digging into the tender flesh of his neck as he hesitantly raised his fingers to brush against Reaper’s cheek.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognise your voice? Even after all this time _?” Did you think that I would ever be able to forget?_ How many nights had he spent awake even before Zurich, imaging that Gabriel was there beside him, whispering to him, murmuring pet names against his skin? How many times had he woken from nightmares crying for Gabe? Wanting to hear him again, even if all they were going to do was argue? Jack was dragged from his thoughts by the feeling of blood trickling down his neck, and he gasped, struggling slightly when he realised Reaper’s grip had tightened, tips penetrating his skin while threatening to cut off his air. “Gabe.”

“Who are you?”

   That question hurt more than he had ever thought possible. _Had he changed that much?_ He had been able to recognise Gabriel despite the mask and despite the changes to his voice, but Gabe – Reaper couldn’t see who lay beneath him right now. He forced the hurt back, forced himself to still, wishing that he could reach up and undo his mask because he had always been better with actions than words. “Jack Morrison.” The name felt foreign on his own tongue, it had been a long time since he had dared to use his name, and after a while it had been easier to just become Solider 76, to hide behind the mask and forget who he had been. A whimper slipped out as rather than releasing him the claws pressed deeper, and now he couldn’t breathe, instinctively fighting back against the grip even as he found his eyes stinging. Because this was Reaper – it had to be because Gabriel wouldn’t do this, no matter how much they had fought and used words against each other, they had never lashed out with the intention to hurt just for the sake of hurting the other. “G-Gabe.”

“Don’t use that name.” Reaper snarled, grip tightened for a minute before abruptly he chuckled and released Jack’s throat, although he remained in place over him, straddling him and watching as Jack coughed and gasped, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “Jack Morrison.” There was no inflection to his voice, nothing to indicate that he had felt the same rush of memories and emotions that Jack had experienced when he had recognised his assailant's voice, and Jack felt a chill sweep over him as he stared up at the masked features. “You should have stayed dead.” The words cut deep, and Jack flinched, hurt and grief welling up as Reaper rose smoothly to his feet and moved away from him and Jack couldn’t stop himself from pushing him up on trembling arms, reaching for the other man as though that would be enough to stop him.

“I thought you were dead Gabe…” _Please, talk to me, acknowledge me_ … He wasn’t naïve enough to think that things could just go back to how they had been, no matter how much a part of him wished that they could. But Gabriel was alive, that was more of an opportunity than he’d ever thought they’d have again and longing crashed over him. _Can’t we find a way forward?_

   Reaper laughed again, cold and echoing, but he slowly turned back to look at Jack. Slowly be reached up for his mask, and Jack felt his breath catch, anticipation pooling in his stomach at the thought of seeing Gabriel’s face. He could still remember every line, every scar, every inch of Gabriel’s face. Hell, he probably remembered that better than he remembered what the world had looked like without his visor and he waited with bated breath as Reaper undid the clasps, the sound deafening in the silence that had settled between them.

   Then the mask was gone, and it felt like he couldn’t breathe again. It was clearly Gabriel, and yet at the same time, it wasn’t. But the part of him that wanted to recoil at the sight of shifting skin and the wisps of smoke rising from it. The part that wanted to flinch as eyes, more than should have been there blinked at him, paled in comparison to the part of him that wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull Gabe into a tight hug and never let go again. “Gabe…” _What happened to you?_ He wanted to know, but at the same time, he didn’t care. His gaze focusing on the old scars that he had spent long nights kissing and tracing with trembling fingers, tracing the path of the stubborn jaw before meeting Gabriel’s eyes without hesitation even as he realised with a pang that the warm umber had been replaced with a deep, unnerving crimson. “It is you.”

_“What are you doing, Jack?” Gabriel asked softly, not really protesting, but curious as Jack slowly worked his way down his face, fingers brushing over every inch of skin, followed by his lips which paused to press gentle kisses to the scars before he pulled back._

_“I never want to forget,” Jack whispered, trying not to think about how long it had been since they’d spent a night together like this, conflicting schedules pulling them apart more often than not these days, fingers lingering against Gabriel’s cheek. “I am making sure that I can’t forget.”_

“There is nothing left of him.” Reaper snarled breaking into his thoughts, sounding truly angry for the first time, eyes flashing, and Jack shivered slightly as he felt tendrils of smoke brushing against his legs, swallowing as he realised that the other man seemed to be disintegrating from the feet upwards. _What are you?_ A small, rational part of him knew that this bad. A smaller part realising that this wasn’t quite the Gabriel that he remembered, but he pushed both thoughts aside, refusing to recoil from the tendrils that were curling around him now, instead lifting his head.

“I don’t care.” _As long as you’re alive, as long as you’re here_. He remembered lying there in the ruins of Zurich, unable to see, certain that he was going to die buried in the rubble and all he had cared about, all he had wanted to know was that Gabriel had survived. Waking in the hospital, it had been the news that Gabriel was listed amongst the dead that had broken him more than the news that Overwatch was being disbanded, more than the loss of his sight. It had always been Gabriel. “Gabe, I…”

   A feral snarl cut him off, and suddenly he found himself engulfed by the smoke and this time he couldn’t back a flinch as amid the rolling darkness he found himself face to face with Reaper’s mask, only this time the crimson eyes shone brightly in the dark holes, boring into him. “Gabriel Reyes is dead, and you…” There were claws around his neck again, squeezing tightly and he could feel the smoke tickling his nose and the back of his throat as he gasped for air, vision blurring. Something shifted when he realised that Reaper wasn’t stopping this time, smoke locked around his arms, stopping him from trying to push the other man away and he felt dampness on his cheeks, his mind spiralling down into unconsciousness but not before he heard that cold voice one last time. “You are nothing.”

****

_You are nothing…_

   The words were still echoing in his mind when he clawed his way back to consciousness, his throat on fire as he desperately sucked in air, fingers finding their way to his throat as though he expected to find claws still wrapped around him. Instead, he felt dried blood, wincing as he pressed down on the cuts littering his skin before he slowly opened his eyes, cautiously moving his head from side to side in search of his assailant. The warehouse was silent around him, and it didn’t take him long to realise that he was alone, a pang going through him as he pushed himself up on wavering arms. _Gabe_. There was a heaviness that didn’t come from his injuries, the words weighing on him. Only it wasn’t really the words, because he had long accepted that he was nothing now, a nameless, faceless soldier that no one would miss when his work was done. No, it was the fact that Gabriel that had said it that had a dull pain flaring in his heart, eyes burning in a way that he hadn’t thought he was capable of.

   He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, just breathing, lost in memories and feelings that refused to heed his attempts to push them back behind the barriers he had built up after Zurich _. How could he?_ Gabriel was alive, and while he was changed… _you are nothing_ … that was something that Jack clung to with a desperation that frightened him. It shook him to the core to realise just how quickly everything had welled up just at the sound of the other’s voice, let alone at the sight of his face and he closed his eyes. _Gabe._

   Eventually, though he had to move, self-preservation kicking in, or rather the knowledge that he couldn’t die before he had got answers to what had happened in Zurich…to them…to Gabriel, he added, shivering slightly as he remembered the changes. Still, it took him longer than he liked to get back to his feet, throat still burning and he knew that even with his enhanced healing he was going to be black and blue tomorrow. There was also a worrying tightness in his chest, but a quick examination showed no missed injuries, and so he dismissed it, retrieving his rifle, surprised that it had been left behind and slipping out of the warehouse, unable to stop himself glancing around in the hopes that he might find Reaper watching.

He wasn’t, and something in his chest tightened even further.

**

  He had barely made it back to the tiny apartment he was using as a base when he had found himself in the grip of a coughing fit that had sent him crashing to his knees. It felt like being back in Zurich, the smoke from the explosion choking him, making it impossible to draw in air and he found himself blinking back sudden tears as the memories washed over him. He could feel himself trembling, hands refusing to listen to his commands as he frantically worked at the catches of his mask and let it fall to the ground with a clatter, plunging himself into darkness but allowing him a quick gasp of clear air. It wasn’t enough, his entire body wracked by the fit and he curled in on himself, clawing at his chest, anything to relieve the pressure.

_You are nothing._

   He gasped, a sob rising amongst the panic and he choked as he felt something else rising with it. Now he really couldn’t breathe, tears leaking down his cheeks and he doubled over, hacking and coughing, desperate to breathe again. Something shifted, and he felt something against his lips, rolling over so that he could spit it out, having images of blood splattering the ground. _You are nothing._ Reaper’s voice echoed again, and he felt the same obstruction, spluttering as he strained to get out, feeling something brushing his lips ago as he forced it out. Then he was falling, gasping for air and twisting to the side as he tried to avoid whatever he had just brought up, his head spinning and chest aching as he sank to the ground.

  When he eventually felt able to move again, he reached out, fumbling blindly for his discarded mask so that he could find out what the hell he had coughed up. It took him several minutes to find him, and another couple to find the catches to separate the visor from the rest of it, wary of obscuring his breathing in any way at the moment, throat and chest combing into one throbbing mass. There was a familiar whirr in his ears as he clipped the visor into place, the nanites patching into his optical nerve and he blinked as the world came into view, dyed crimson by the visor but visible. It took him a few seconds to adjust, still unused to it even after all this time and he blinked heavily before turning to scan the floor. Part of him expecting to find blood, forehead creasing when he spied something pale and solid instead, hesitating before reaching out to touch them.

“What the…?” They were silky to the touch, and after a moment he picked one of them up, bringing it closer to study, confusion settling in when he realised that it was a petal. Followed by a pang, as he recognised it as a lily, remembering how his hands had trembled as he sat the bouquet on Gabriel’s grave. They hadn’t been his first choice, he had spent nearly an hour in the florists, hovering over the marigolds, remembering the park where they’d gone for their first date and how at the start of Overwatch he would find the magnificent blooms on his desk at least once a week. In the end, he had been worried that it would be too obvious who had left the flowers if he got Marigolds, wary of revealing his survival to the wrong people, and he’d gone for lilies, all the while imagining Gabe staring at him in disapproval. His fingers curled around the petal for a moment before he flung it away with a growl, wishing that it was as easy to throw away the memories and emotions that seeing Gabriel had brought to the surface, before immediately hating himself for that thought.

_Gabe…_

**

   At the time, he hadn’t understood the significance of those first petals, what they represented and what they would come to mean for his future. Instead, he had dismissed them, pushing them from his mind, too consumed by the fact that Gabriel was alive and the words that just wouldn’t leave him alone. You are nothing. The ache in his chest persisted, even after a day of holing up in the flat had healed the worst of the damage to his throat but he passed it off as unimportant. There were bigger things to worry about, like finding Gabriel and finding something, anything to bridge the chasm to him and then there was his search for answers, his need for the truth burning brighter than ever, and if he woke the next morning to find another petal on his pillow then it didn’t matter.


End file.
